Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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