I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
