Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
