I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
