The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
