I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
