what day is it and did you see me today?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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