This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
