There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
