she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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