I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
