Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
