first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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