he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
