VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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