dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
