Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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