At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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