Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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