if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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