I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
