think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
