Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
