So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
