Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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