my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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