just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Randomize
