My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You took a bar mat shot.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
