Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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