Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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