I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's Friday. Sex?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
