I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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