so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
