mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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