I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
