I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
