When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
