Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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