Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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