My friends, they love my intelligence
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
