can u get pink eye on your cock?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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