remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
