Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
