Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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