Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
