Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
