My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
