im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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