You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
