history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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