My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
