she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
