David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
