just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
