I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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