You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
