So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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