my mouth tastes like poor choices
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
