the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
