Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
