I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
