We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
