There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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