There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
