i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
