dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
