remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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