Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
