3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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