he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
