So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
