I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
