You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
