my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
