I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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