you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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