I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
