Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
