you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
