Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
