I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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